“How many lawyer jokes are there? One, the rest are true stories.”
Thomas Shubnell
“A laugh a day keeps the lawyer away”
Living, like lawyering, is an art you have to practice every day to perfect.
When a colleague reminds you that you are not a native English-speaker.
– Am a lawyer, I plan for the worse.
-… and hope for the best?
-No. As I said, am a lawyer.
When your boss confidently says in a meeting that, yes, you will review the draft by Monday morning.
Us lawyers are trained not to lose our cool.
So if you would please shut the fuck up, I would be very grateful.
When you say no, full stop.
Us, lawyers are just so good in negotiation.
– I want that car. How much?
– 8K.
– OK, deal.
It’s just we’re not so good for us as a client.
When you realize it is 7 pm on a Friday.
I am a very expensive lawyer, but for you, homemade cookies will do.
Thanks, mum.
When a conference attendee gives you his coat at the coat check.
No good can happen when you hang up with a friend and open up your timesheet to record it.
When you leave the office for a two-week vacation.
My new lawyer’s philosophy: “and so what?”
My boss hates it. And so what?
When you don’t know what to wear at the office Christmas party.
I feel guilty of feeling guilty. How bad is that doctor?
When you receive an unexpected compliment from a colleague.
Being a lawyer is like wearing a Halloween costume all year long: costly, scary and unnecessary. Minus the sweets.
When you need to boost your confidence and ask your friends if you’re a good lawyer.
Great negotiation takes a lot of get readiness and even more of waiting in silence.
When your client insists on saying something false and misleading at a hearing.
Therapist: The problem is that you are just too controlling.
Me: Hmm, hmm
Therapist: Did you just write down “too controlling” in your notebook?
Me: Hmm, yes. Ah…
When you decide to go low profile.
Therapist: You should have new hobbies and have fun.
Me: Great, this is something I can work on.
Therapist: Noooo! This is something you can play with.
Me: Oh…
When you’ve just been mansplained.
One answer and all my troubles seem so far away: Smarties ®